“Snatch” [2000] – Guy Ritchie – Everything You Didn’t Know About it
The film is about… Diamonds? What do I know about diamonds? I am a boxing promoter.
Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond.
Turkish: Fuck me all, Tom! What’s that?
Tommy: It’s me belt, Turkish.
Turkish: No, Tommy, there’s a gun in your trousers. What is a gun doing in your trousers?
Tommy: It’s for protection!
Turkish: Protection from what? Zee Germans?
First things first: The Trailer.
SNATCH QUOTES
Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
Turkish: [police are watching Tommy chase the dog] He loves that dog. Always playing silly games.
Turkish: He loves that dog. Always playing silly games.
Vinny: Did he have four fingers?
Sol: I’m sorry, I couldn’t get the bi-noc-u-lars out in time.
Tommy: Are you saying i can’t shoot?
Tommy: Are you saying I can’t shoot?
Turkish: No Tommy, I’m not saying you can’t shoot. I know you can’t shoot. I’m saying that six-pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him.
Sol: You ain’t from this planet are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that is worth less than your shirt?
Brick Top: You’re on thin fucking ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks. Now, fuck off.
Brick Top: You’re on thin fucking ice my pedigree chums and I shall be under it when it breaks. Now, fuck off.
Turkish: [looks at the caravan] Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We’ll need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You’re going to buy it for me.
Turkish: Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We’ll need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You’re going to buy it for me.
Tommy: Why me?
Turkish: Well, you know about caravans.
Tommy: How’s that?
Turkish: You spent the summer in one, which means you know more than me. And i don’t want to have my pants pulled down over the price.
Tommy: What’s wrong with this one?
Turkish: [pulls the caravan’s door from its hinges] Oh nothing, Tommy. It’s tiptop. It’s just I’m not sure about the colour.
Turkish: Oh nothing, Tommy. It’s tiptop. It’s just I’m not sure about the colour.
Vinny: I thought you said he was a getaway driver? What the fuck can he get away from, eh?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi, pull your socks up.
Avi: Tony?
Bullet Tooth Tony: What?
Avi: Look in the dog.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you mean “look in the dog?”
Avi: I mean open him up.
Bullet Tooth Tony: It’s not as if it’s a tin of baked beans! What do you mean “open him up”?
Bullet Tooth Tony: It’s not as if it’s a tin of baked beans! What do you mean “open him up?”
Avi: Shut up & sit down, you big bald fuck!
Brick Top: If you ever stop me when I’m walking again. I’ll cut your fucking Jacobs off.
Brick Top: Get your tongue out my asshole.
Brick Top: Get your tongue out my arsehole.
Brick Top: In the quiet words of virgin Mary, come again.
Avi: Why is he called Boris the bullet dodger?
Doug the Head: Because he dodges bullets, Avi
Avi: should i call you bullet tooth..?
Avi: Should I call you Bullet?
Bullet Tooth Tony: you can call me Susan if it makes you happy.
Turkish: Boris The Blade. Or Boris the Bullet Dodger. As hard as the Soviet hammer and as bent as the sickle that crosses it.
Boris ‘The Blade’ Yurinov: Heavy is good. Heavy is reliable. If it doesn’t work you can always hit them with it.
Avi: Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup o’ tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fuckin’ Poppins. London!
Turkish: Tommy, the tit, is praying. And if he isn’t, he fuckin’ should be.
Franky Four Fingers: Where is the stone? Where is the stone? *punches man* Where is the stoooone? *punches man again*
Turkish: Sugar?
Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish; I’m sweet enough.
Mickey O’Neil: do you like dags
Tommy: dags
Tommy: Dags?
Mickey O’Neil: yeah dags
Mickey O’Neil: Yeah dags.
Tommy: oh dogs yeah i like dags
Brick Top: You are on thin ice my pedigree chums!
Sol: London ?
Sol: London?
Avi: Yes, London. You know : Fish, chips, cup-o-tea, bad food, worst weather, Mary fuckin’ Poppins, London !
Avi: Yes, London. You know : Fish, chips, cup-o-tea, bad food, worst weather, Mary fuckin’ Poppins, London!
Turkish: Fuckface… I like that one Errol. I’ll have to remember that one next time I’m climbing off yer mum.
Tommy: Who took the jam outta your doughnut?
Turkish: You took the fucking jam outta my doughnut, Tommy. You did.
Doug the Head: We got sandy beaches.
Avi: So who the fuck wants to see them?
Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
Turkish: So what do you do? You go to see the man that knows about these sort of things.
Turkish: I fail to recognise the correlation between losing ten grand, hospitalising Gorgeous, and a good deal.
Avi: Should I call you Bullet? Tooth?
Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.
Brick Top: Do you know what “nemesis” means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a horrible cunt… me.